Something for the pain

Jon sat in the waiting room with Shanna's mom and brother, well he would have been sitting but he kept pacing from one side of the waiting room to the other. Richie watched his best friend as he kept running his hands through his hair like he didn't know what to do with them. He kept looking towards the doors He started over towards the nurses station again only for Richie to stand in front of him. “Swing can you move...”

“no ….” he shook his head pointing to the seats “sit down.... you already asked her fifteen minutes ago and five minutes before that …. the doc will be out to talk to Kal and the rest when he's done ….” He stated finally. He had never seen Jon so shook up before. He knew he was worried they all were.

“I can't Richie … “ Jon shook his head and went back to pacing or would have if Richie hadn't grabbed his arm. “Rich...”

“sit...” he pushed Jon into a seat next to him then sat down.

Jon was going to argue with him when the door opened and Doctor Brennan walked through pulling the mask off his face. He swallowed hard unconsciously grabbing for Richie's hand. He gripped it hard.

“She came through the surgery just fine...” Dr Brennan stated with a smile. “they are taking her up to the recovery right now. She will be out of it for awhile but the nurse will come get you when she's in her room. “ he let Shanna's mom hug him tight and thank him. He turned to Jon when he moved forward shaking his hand.

“thanks....” Jon stated his voice cracked from the worry. He had met Shanna's doctor the night before. He had been sitting next to her bed when the doctor came in to check on her. He had almost got kicked out only for Kalalily to step in. She had explained to Doctor Brennan that this was Shanna's boyfriend. He had been allowed to sit by her bed after that. Only kicked out when visiting hours were over and it was getting late. He had been stubborn and slept in the waiting room.

After being alerted that she was going to be fine Richie forced the rest to go downstairs to get something to eat. He knew that Jon had barely ate since getting there the night before. Not that he had ate much before he got there as they had been in meetings all day. They all got something to eat then headed back up to the waiting room to wait to be able to see Shanna. He knew his best friend was a bundle of nerves and would not relax till he saw her. 

The first to go into the room was her mom and her brother though she was still asleep they still wanted to see her. It was only natural that they would be the first in to see her. He waited till they were in with her and he dropped his head into his hands his shoulders sagging as the last oft the tension poured off him. She had made it through the surgery now the hard part would be to tell her. He swallowed knowing just how much she wanted to be a mom to have that taken from her without her say would devastate her. He looked up about fifteen minutes after they went in to see them coming out.

“she's awake … Doctor Brennan is going in to talk to her … “ Caleb swallowed “I couldn't be in there when he told her....” he shook his head.

Kali looked at Jon “she's looking for you...” she took his hand and between the two they walked into the room.

He walked into the room with Kali his breath caught in his chest even though Shanna had looked bad the night before this just tore his heart out. He moved to the bed as she laid on the bed her blue eyes locking with his own. He moved her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead “I’m here baby....” he held her hand in his rubbing the knuckles with his thumb. “shhh.. I'm here....”

“Jon...' her voice hoarse. “whats going on...” She looked over at her mom then back at him. “what happened.... why am I in the hospital why do I feel so sore...” A tear ran down her face. She turned to see Doctor Brennan walk in with a folder. She was still a bit numb from the painkillers but a soreness resided around her lower abdomen and it hit. Tears started to stream down her face “nooooooo!” She pulled away from Jon and shook her head. “no please....you didn't … “ She buried her face in her hands her whole body shaking even though it started to hurt.

Kali moved close to her daughter who buried her face in her moms chest “baby he had to …. we would have lost you...” her voice broke. “you were bleeding so bad he had no choice …. “ She hugged her gently as to not hurt her. Her eyes locking with Jon's tears appearing in both of their eyes. 

Chapter 1

When I woke up this morning I didn't think my day would soon come crashing down on me. That what had been the best two years of my life would come to this. Me sitting in a emergency room in Sayerville New Jersey with stitches in my face and a sling on my left arm. Nor did I know when I decided to come in to work for my friend Jake at his coffee shop, that I would someday find myself surrounded by the members of one of the biggest rock bands in the world in a tiny cramped Hospital As we all sat in a waiting room waiting for words that could either break my heart or heal it.

My name is Shanna Leah... but that is neither here nor there my name is not really important not in the grander scheme of things. Nor who I am is really important but it is as this is my story how I went from being a quiet update girl to somewhat confidant woman. No one knew how my life would change so drastically in the last two years.

I am getting a head of myself like I said I never thought my life would change so drastically. I was always the good girl, did my studies hung out with my family. The only thing I did besides worked at my friend Jake's coffee shop was take pictures for the local families. I was never the conventional good looking girl in school. I didn't make friend's in school very well I was the chunky unpopular girl the one everyone saw through as if I was invisible. For pretty much my whole life that's how I felt , invisible. That all changed the day he walked into the shop. Now don't get me wrong we have a very small community barely a thousand or so residents my friend used to say we had more cows than people. Who knows how or why he found our little town but he did.

 I had come in to work for the afternoon shift as Jake's wife had to take the day off for a doctor's appointment. It was not even my usual work day but Jake's wife was one of my only friend's from school and if Anna needed me I was there for her.

He strolled in he had a pair of sunglasses on a blue ball cap t shirt and a pair of jeans that just basically fit him like a glove. I could feel Karianne next to me zero on him. I could also feel her disappointment when he sat in one of my stations instead of hers. I was tempted to let her take this one but I knew the rules Jake set for the shop. He also knew Kari though she was a sweet girl was scattered brained as they come. Why he kept her working there none of us there knew. IT could be because she was Anna's little sister. But enough about her … he had set down looking at the menu that set on the table. Jake offered a lot of different things to go with coffee along with selling books and other odds and ends. You could have coffee and doughnuts or one of Anna's special made cinnamon rolls which were to die for. I pushed my glasses and headed over after a few seconds to see if he needed anything. The midday sun was peaking through the blinds casting the whole shop in a nice light. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help him. He lifted his head after perusing our limited menu. Just said a coffee he had taken his sunglasses off and I stared into the bluest eyes I'd ever had the pleasure to see. I just nodded taking his order and headed back to the front counter.

Kari was whining to Jake that she wanted to go over there but he knew what she was after and he was damned if he was going to allow it. Ya see Jake used to live in Nashville he worked in some of the best diners down there. Till he met Anna lost his heart and moved up here to our little city. But down there he knew that sometimes celebrities just wanted to be left alone in their day to day lives and not gushed over and wanted privacy. Jake could read a person's posture and he could tell from what he saw. He knew that Jon had come in and would rather be left alone to his privacy.
I brought his coffee over to him and let him alone though I had left one of Anna's special cinnamon buns by his coffee. He just looked like he could use a little pick me up and those always did help. I didn't even notice him watch me walk away. I went back to my corner where I sat to read my book. I had a ten page paper due in the next few weeks for my one class and I was behind. It was a slow day and I knew Jake wouldn't mind me using my time to try to finish it up.

☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼

Jon sighed as he set back in the chair after a long hard ride. He just wanted to hide for awhile his divorce papers had finally gone through. The guy's were great but he needed a freaking break so he took off in his car just driving to god knows where. He had pulled into this little town thinking it be a perfect spot to just hide away for a few days. He needed a drink and saw the coffee shop setting on main street and headed in. It looked quaint small and unobtrusive somewhere he could be just a regular customer. He had been a bit startled when he was asked if he could be helped and not gushed over. It was a nice change. He had looked up to see a pair of pretty blue eyes hiding behind glasses. He shook his head at the time he was swearing off any female for awhile. He had just ordered coffee and looked through the newspaper setting on the table. A few minutes later he received his coffee but something else was set by him. He looked up from his coffee then to the small platter by it. On it was a large sticky bun he looked to see the coffee girl walking away. He watched her head to the counter. He tilted his head watching her for a second. She had soft dirty blonde hair pulled back in a tail, glasses faded jeans sneakers and a blue blouse. He looked back at the cinnabar on the plate and took a bite. His eyebrows rose a bit it was good he'd have to thank her for it. He went back to his newspaper.

He enjoyed the quietness of the coffee shop as they went on their every day lives. He could hear soft laughter he looked up to see the girl who had given him his coffee talking to a another woman with dark brown hair. He had to smile, she had a pretty smile but something seemed like she didn't do it much. He shook his head to himself he really needed to keep his mind on other things.

Bring me back to life 2

Jon muttered to himself as he got out of the meeting running a hand through his hair. It felt like they had been in there for hours. He looked at the time wondering if it be too late to call Shanna he knew she said she hadn't been felling well he just wanted to check up on her. He was debating when he pulled his phone out of pocket to do just that. He stared down at the screen there was six missed calls. Who had called him it wouldn't be Shanna cause she knew he wouldn’t answer while being in the meeting. He opened it up and started to play the voice mails. It was Shanna's mom and her brother. With each voice mail his face got more and more worried. What was wrong why were they calling him and not Shanna. He was digging through his numbers after the last one.

Richie walked over when he saw Jon's face creased with worry. “kidd you okay?” His friend started to pace. “Kidd?”

 

Jon tried to call Shanna on her phone but no one was answering it. He breathed out slowly trying to calm his racing heart. He looked up at Richie “There was six calls on the phone from Kali and Caleb … check your phone see if they ….”

 

Richie cut him off pulling out his own phone when he turned it on there was five voice mails on it. His eyebrows raised when he played the first one. “Richie this is Jake ….. look we are trying to get a hold of Jon can you have him call us .. its really important …. Kali has called him Caleb has called him … he needs to call us soon as possible...” He looked at Jon “I think you need to call them pronto man...”

 

Jon nodded he hung up his phone only for it to ring again. “hello?”

“fuckin hell Jon I been trying to call you...” Caleb’s phone was loud over the speaker. His voice angry and worried all at the same time. “I been trying to get a hold of you all damn day....”

“I was in meetings all day I told Shan I'd call her when I got done .. I just turned my phone on. what's wrong …..” Jon shot back.

“Oh ….. “ Caleb's anger deflated. “Jon you need to get here.....”

“Caleb just tell me....” Richie moved close to Jon his hand resting on his friends shoulder. Something was wrong if Jake's voice was anything to go by.

“Mom and I went to check on Shan cause she hadn't been feeling good an Jake said she had not made it into work she's never late. Mom unlocked the door …. “ Jon could hear him swallow.  “we found her unconscious by the couch … we rushed her to the hospital.... its not good … Jon you need to get here NOW....”

 

Richie grabbed Jon forcing him to sit down on a chair by the door “Jon...” Caleb’s voice calling over the phone.

 

Richie took it from Jon's hand. “Caleb.... what's going on...”

“Richie …. where's Jon …..”

“right now trying to breath what's going on ….. what did you tell him he looks ready to faint....”

“shit … Richie you need to get Jon here.... Shanna is in the hospital … its not looking good ….. just can you get here … “ Caleb stated. “just get here as soon as possible we'll talk when you get here..... please man … just get him here....”

“We should be there in a couple hours …. man …. I promise …...” Richie grabbed his keys out of his pocket. He turned to see both Tico and Dave standing there. He knew Jon was not thinking clearly right now “Guys Jon and I need to get to Madison … I don't know when we'll be back we'll call you when we can ….” He man handled Jon out of the office building and into his Bentley. He tore out of the parking lot Jon had not said anything since Richie took the phone. “do you want to grab anything from your place?”

 

Jon shook his head “no …. I still have clothes at Shan's …. I … lets just get there...” His voice broke he turned to look at Richie “I can't lose her man....”

“you won't man you don't know that .. .lets just get there …. and find out what's going on ….” He sighed as he drove towards Madison saying a silent prayer in his head he wasn't lying to his best friend. What the hell had happened.

 

What usually took them three to four hours in a trip to Madison took only two hours with Richie's driving. He had barely stopped the car when Jon was out and running into the hospital. He parked the car in the closest spot he could find and took after him. He was right behind Jon who made it to the reception. He turned to see Jake standing there with Anna. “Jon..” he tapped his shoulder. When his friend turned to look at him he pointed.

“how is she...” Jon asked.

 

Anna sighed “not good … “ She held out a hand to him. “we told Caleb we would meet you out here …. so he could stay with Kali. “

 

They all walked together Richie kept a hand on his best friends shoulder. As they moved down the hall way they reached the ICU waiting room. Kali stood up the minute she saw Jon. She moved to wrap her arms around him.

“what happened ...” he whispered.

 

Kali's voice was soft with tears as she told them about finding Shanna on the floor and rushing to the hospital. She wiped her eyes seeing the tears in Jon's own eyes. “They are stabilizing her …. before they do surgery … Doctor Brennan said it can't wait ….I had … I had to sign the paper.... “

Jon stared “Surgery ….” He looked at Caleb his voice worried.

 

Caleb looked at him putting a hand on his shoulder “they have to do a hysterectomy …. she's bleeding way too badly to put it off anymore ….. Jon ….” He sighed “Shan kept putting it off ...trying different ways to deal with this... Doc told her before that this might be the only option to stop this … but she's so damn stubborn.... “ He ran a hand through his hair. “she kept telling them no ….”

 

Kali closed her eyes “its because she wanted to have children someday....” She started crying “and now I have taken away any chance she had...”

 

Jon wrapped his own arms around her hugging her tightly. “You did what you had to for her ….. Kal..... she'll see that...can I see her....”

“yeah she's in the first cubicle...” Caleb stated knowing Jon needed and wanted to see her. The others were quiet as he walked into the ICU.

 

Jon's heart just about broke as he walked into the first cubicle. Shanna laid on the bed she looked so fragile so breakable. Her blonde hair was pulled back from her face an oxygen line running under her nose and over her ears. Her left arm laid on the bed ran from it to a bag above her bed. The bag was red meaning they were giving her transfusions he guessed to replace what she lost. He moved to the bed she wasn't awake but he needed to talk to her to touch her but he was afraid he would break her. The blankets making her already look pale as a ghost. He moved to the side of the bed taking her right hand in his her hand was cool. He sat on the chair by the bed hearing the sounds around him. He fought to control his emotions but seeing her like this broke him he bowed his head and let the tears fall.

Love me back to life

The next few days were no different than usual except Jon never left my side I tried to tell him to leave but now that he knew what was going on. Until I felt well enough to leave my room he sat in the room with me. He brought his guitar in with him and just sat there playing and tinkering with it or sitting cuddled on the bed with me. Those times were wonderful I felt awful and just wanted to sleep but with him there I wanted to stay awake to talk to him. I still wasn't talking to my brother angry for him betraying my trust. Jon tried to talk me into talking to him but I refused.

 

As for Jon and I well while I was laid up like this there wasn't much to do but talk. He wouldn't even let me go downstairs to get anything to eat he even tried to carry me down the stairs. If I hadn't been so annoyed it would have been comical but finally I just gave in and let him do what he wanted. If it was one thing I learned about Jon he was stubborn as hell. Finally after the first couple days the pain started to ease but I was still weak and had to take it easy. I had another doctors appointment where we talked about what we could do to help this. Once again Doctor Brennan brought up the one subject I refused to contemplate. I was not going to give up any chance I had of having kids for anything. To my surprise Jon supported my decision when I told him. He was even more shocked that I actually told him about the Doctors appointment and what the doctor had told me. I guess the talking to he gave me while we were in my room made me realize that I had been wrong about keeping this from him. Yes it was my body but also if I cared about Jon I couldn't keep secrets from him. The man told me everything so it was only right. 

 

A couple days after my doctors appointment it was time for Jon to leave again. Richie had come back and we had a quiet diner I was going to miss him. We promised to talk on the phone and write letters. I also made him a promise to take it easy while he was gone. He had gotten quite worried which was a shock not used to having anyone but my brother and mom worry about me. I saw him off kissing him gently and laying my head against his chest. It seemed to be harder for him to leave then usual I looked up at him being shorter than him had some real disadvantages. “I will be okay Jon … you need to go work on your record and you have to finish the last leg of this tour …. “ I looked over at Richie “and you need to make sure you take care of him for me ….”

 

Richie saluted me “you got my promise … come on Kidd we need to really get going ….” he walked over to give me a hug “ “we'll see you when we get all this done … maybe we will bring Tico and Dave around …. “ he also gave my mom a hug we watched as they left.

After they left life as I knew returned to normal I went back to working at Jake’s and spending time with my god daughter. She was growing like a weed. I finished my classes doing my midterms via my computer concentrating on my classes to get rid of feeling so lonely. While I missed Jon immensely I needed to finish my courses so that I could get out of this town someday.

 

We would call each other every night and talk for hours I even got to talk to Dave and Tico. They seemed to be nice guys. Each night after we closed down on the phone we would each wait for each other to shut off the phone. I know it was corny but I had never felt so cared and loved for before. Sure my mom and brother and even Kami loved me but it wasn't the same. Like I said it was like a romance like my mom and dad had and it was wonderful. I also promised him that I would not keep him in the dark about anything anymore which was a test for me. I never really had to think about anyone but myself when it came to things going on with me.

While I worked on classes Jon was back in the studio with the boys working on their next big album. While he was in the studio I did my best not to call him during the day knowing that he would be massively busy but he still called me at night. He sounded but tired telling me about the new material that was coming out for this one. He sounded so enthusiastic abut it sometimes at night that I would just sit back and listen to him. It was great to hear him happy about it.

 

It was about three months after he had left when trouble started happen. I had been always irregular. Sometimes going months without my cycle happening. To end up having it twice a month. I knew that this time would be a bad one. I hadn't been hospitalized in awhile but I had a bad feeling about this time. I had told him I hadn't been feeling good lately so our talks had been very short at night. Between classes and Jon in the studio we both were busy. He was worried about me when I told him I hadn't been feeling good but there wasn't much he could do he had to get the album done the RC was on his back about it. He had told me he would call me later he was in some talks with the record company . So I didn't call him that day. I had gone up to go to work when I felt dizzy I looked down and saw that I had soaked through my clothes. I swallowed putting my hand to head the last thought I had before I hit the floor was I was going to be late to work.

Confrontation 2

Shanna heard her mom leave and took a deep breath trying to drag all her pride back into her body though she felt like crumpling in a heap on the floor or on the bed. She swallowed and moved to turn to face him moving her glasses back on her face her hands shaking she forced them to stop. She knew that Caleb said he was angry when he left so she would take his anger like a grown woman not a scared rabbit. She slid up against her pillows. She was going to sit up she was going to stand up and let him blast her. She reached out to grab and throw her blankets off when he moved forward and stopped her. She stared up into deep blue eyes. She swallowed almost drowning in that gaze. His hand encompassed hers she couldn't look away from his gaze it was locked onto hers. She could see deep into his eyes like she couldn't look away. She half hardheartedly tugged at the blanket trying to get him to let go.

Jon didn't release her hand but moved closer moving the blankets back up around her waist.
“if you are going to yell at me at least let me stand up while you do it...” She stated finally.

“not going to and your going to stay right where you are...” He said flatly.

“listen here...” She started only for Jon to hold up his hand.

“no this time you are going to listen Shanna … and please do not interrupt me....” Jon stated softly staring into her face. His voice had a ridge of steel in it like he was controlling his temper. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He paced back and forth. “Do I give you this feeling of like I don't care Shanna … that I wouldn't care if something happened to you?”

She looked at him “no..”

“then why why wouldn't you tell me about this …. why would you hide it from me ….. “ he looked at her the hurt radiating from his eyes “why would you purposely keep this from me …. to the point your brother has to tell me .. I thought we weren't going to keep secrets anymore..... you know everything about me why would you keep something like this a secret... don't I deserve...” he was cut off

“deserve? You think this is about you Jon … its not … its far from it.. this is my body my decision .. .Caleb had no right to tell you ….. you've never gone through this … you've never had your body be in so much pain you can't function ….. scared to death because you might end up in the hospital again for something that is supposed to be a normal part of being a woman … terrified that it might cause you to never have the one thing you want in your life a child so don't TELL ME …' she yelled at him. “don't tell me about you deserving to know because it wasn't your RIGHT to know ….. “ She tried to get out of the bed again only for Jon to stop her. Her whole body was radiating with anger. “let me go...”

“No...” Jon shook his head and set on the chair by the bed. “but why..... why wouldn't you tell me …. “

“I just told you why …. this is something very personal something not even my best friend Anna knows about …..” She tugged at the blanket but didn't have the energy to wrench it back from him. The pain pills she took earlier starting to wear off pain was now residing back in her body and feeling like the insides of her were being torn apart. She looked away from him wrapping an arm around her waist trying so hard not to cry out in pain.

'Shanna …. you aren't going to push me away...” Jon stated flatly.

“There you go again thinking this is about you Jon are you really that narcissistic that you think that everything revolves around YOU it has nothing to bloody DO with you ….it has to do with me and my body and what I go through … “ she growled.

Jon watched her his face creased with worry, he reached his hand out and took the one clenched on the bed rubbing his fingers over the knuckles not surprised to see it shaking. “Shan...” His voice soft filled to the brim with worry. “Shan are you okay....” The words from her brother earlier about her being in a lot of pain and nearly collapsing came rushing back to him. He could see her whole body suddenly tensed up. “Shan are you in pain do you need something. ...”

“no....” She lied.

He snorted “right … its not like I can't see your whole body shaking right now love.....” He started to rub gently her arm and then her back when she started to pull away from him he just moved closer practically sitting on the bed. He put his hand on her back feeling just how tense the muscles were there rubbing slowly in circles his finger tips gently massaging in a circle. Ever so slowly he wrapped his arms around her sighing with relief when she didn't immediately shove him away. “now tell me the truth do you need something …. do you need me to get your mom....” He sighed with relief again when she just nodded he got up and kissed the top of her head tucking the blanket around her moving to go out the door. He peaked out from the door catching sight of Kali sitting at the table downstairs “Kali … Shan needs some kind of pain meds …. do you know where they are she's in pain....”

Kali looked up to see Jon standing there thankfully he was not leaving the room like she thought might happen. “her pain meds are on the stand by her bed …. I'll be right up with some soup for her hopefully you can get her to eat … we've tried...” she shook he head.

Jon nodded and headed back into the room' She's coming in with some soup for you....” He knew this was far from over but right now his main priority was making sure Shanna was comfortable and not in pain. He found the pill bottle on the table and took two out handing her the water on the stand.

She started to refuse the pills but gave in when he didn't back down. She knew she had to take them her body hurt to much not to. She sighed she also knew this was far from over but right now she was just too tired to argue. “thank you...”

He sat on the bed by her and pulled her into his arms once again thanking that she was not resisting him. He shook his head “no thanks needed babe...” He relaxed against the back of the bed regretting that he would have to leave her in a couple days. Ths time leaving would be a hell of a lot harder. 

Confrontation I

Jon had not come back that night, they had kept it quiet from Shanna which wasn't hard. She had slept most of the day and into the night the meds from the doctor making her groggy and slightly disoriented it had been another bad episode one with constant pain only time she woke was going to the bathroom or her mom got her to eat some soup. Caleb had been surprised when she hadn't asked about Jon but not really as she was not that coherent because of the medication. He sat at the table with coffee the next morning stirring it with a spoon. He looked up to see his mom come down with a tray of half eatin breakfast. He sighed

“Is he not back yet...” She asked quietly as not to alert Shanna that he wasn't there.

“no … I don't know what I am going to tell her .. when she asks....” he swallowed “I know it was right to tell him but now ….” he sighed “I don't know if he's gonna come back and just get his stuff and leave or ...” He shook his head.

“if he cares about your sister like you and I both know he does he'll be back.... “ Kali sighed herself. “she should have told him herself and yes I am a bit angry for you telling him but he had to be told it just should have been your sister....” She grabbed a bottle of water and headed up the stairs. She was shocked to see her daughter up and moving. Usually she would be sleeping for the first four days but some reason she was up and moving. “Sweetheart?”

“I am okay Mom … just needed to get up and moving around .. if I lay in bed Jon is going to notice …. and then I am going to be in...” Shanna's forced a smile to her face which faltered when her mother paled. “mom?”

“oh nothing dear...” She moved over to help her daughter to sit down.

“speaking of Jon where is he … he's usually a bit more persistent ...” Shanna joked as she tried to get dressed in something that somewhat resembled normal clothes even if she hurt all over and just wanted to throw up. When her mother tensed she looked at her. “mom?”

“he's not here....”

“what do you mean he's not here... oh maybe he went with Richie to get some breakfast at Katies.....”

Kali sighed “I don't know...”

“what do you mean you don't know?” Shanna forced herself to her feet. A cold shiver ran through her body like someone had walked over her grave like her mom was not telling her something.

“I mean … “ Kali was not one to lie to her daughter and she wasn't going to start now. “I mean he's not been here since yesterday morning...” She sighed softly. “since your brother and he talked....”

“since my brother and he …...” Her blue eyes darkened with anger “TALKED Caleb I am going to fuckin kill you..” She stumbled down the stairs nearly falling down them in her haste to get down them. She glared at her brother who got to his feet “what did you DO?!”

He glared back her though it was tinged with a bit of concern his sister was shakily standing on her feet. “What you refused to do Shan .. he knew something was wrong... CHRIST Shan he thought you were fuckin dying...” He looked apologetic to his mom who was standing near his sister.

“what right did you have to tell him ANYTHING ...” She shrieked at him “WHAT right did you have to tell him MY personal business... “ She lunged at him grabbing his shirt and shaking him though it wasn't much. She was so angry, hurt and betrayed. “What right did you have tell him anything at all..... “ She yelled at him. Tears were pouring down her face. When he didn't fight her back she just shoved away from him going to her knees, “I hate you..” She glared up at him tears pouring down her face “get OUT …. just get out....” She spat at her brother so angry that he had betrayed her trust.

“I was trying to look out for you sis … he was worried he was angry....” Caleb tried to explain to her.

“and what happened after you ruthlessly just told him what I TOLD you not to ...” She spat at him. 

“He asked me why you didn't tell him yourself then …. he yelled and left...”

“and he didn't come back...” She whispered.

“no he hasn't been back but his car is still here... I don’t know I think he left with Richie …. as he's not around town either...” Caleb stated. “he'll be back... sis .. he just needs time...” He knelt by her but she pushed him away from her. “damn it sis...”

“well hope your happy … “ She tried hard to get to her feet “you did what you wanted he'll come get his car and leave ...” She pushed herself to her feet before nearly falling over again. She used the couch as the pain hurt so much. She just wanted to take her pain pills now. “maybe its for the best anyway...” She whispered to herself wrapping her arm around her waist. “I am going back to bed...” She wiped at the tears with her hand.

“sis...”

“right now Caleb I don't want to talk to you can you just leave …..” She whispered her energy now spent from her anger that she was no longer able to hold onto it. “I am going to bed I want to be alone...” She swallowed as she used her mom to get back upstairs taking two pills and passing out after crying herself to sleep.

While this was going on Jon sat in a Katie’s nursing a coffee. He had told Richie everything the night before. He didn't know what he was going to do now. He knew he had to talk to Shanna he needed to talk to her. His anger was spent now he just felt an ache in his stomach a hurt that was still pooling there. He had talked to Richie long into the hours the night before staying in hotel room in the next town over . He had to get away to clear his head not that it was that clear now. He rubbed his face nodding to Katie when she poured another coffee. “thanks ...” he drank it down then stood up. 

When he went to hand her some money she shook her head “you looked like you needed it honey ...I don't know what happened between you and Shanna but … I do know you two can work through it …. I've never seen her so happy before Jon .. you make her happy …..” She patted his hand before going to help another customer. 

He watched her walk away before heading outside his hands in his pockets to walk back over to the apartment. He was shocked to see Caleb standing outside staring at the door.

He turned when he heard him walking over to him. He gave him a worried look. “uh hey...”

Jon ran a hand through his hair “uh yeah.... don't worry I am not going to blow at you again....” He looked towards the door “what are you doing out here?”

“my sister kicked me out ….” Caleb sighed

“kicked you out as in lost her temper kicked you out ….” Jon stared at him.

“yeah cause she found out that I told you … and then … well...” He shrugged. He sighed “are you staying?” He knew he shouldn't ask Jon that but he was afraid he had stepped over the line and destroyed whatever was good in his sisters life...”if you are leaving...” he was cut off by Jon

.

“I'm not leaving...” he rolled his eyes “I don't know what I am doing right now I just know I need to talk to Shanna …. “

“she's probably in bed …. after she blew at me which … was not pretty she was in a lot of pain nearly collapsed and mom took her back upstairs....” He didn't get more out when Jon hurried into the house once again cutting him off. He headed away wishing Jon luck. He only hoped that they got through this and Shanna didn't push Jon away but then again looking at the worry on the singers face as he saw him run in he didn't think her pushing would work in the first place.

Jon hurried up the stairs after hearing that she had nearly collapsed made his heart want to stop he threw the door open his eyes searching for the one in the bed. The door banging open woke her and their eyes met. She turned her face away and buried it into the pillow.

Kali looked at them both “I'll be down stairs if you need me...” She stood on her tip toes and kissed Jon's cheek before leaving him alone with her daughter. She felt they needed to talk and closed the door behind her.

The explosion

Caleb watched as his sister blocked them both out effectively ending the conversation right then and there. She could be so damn stubborn when she wanted. But then so could he, he looked at his mom then back at his sister. “I need to talk to Jon I told him I would talk to him...” He pulled his mom to the side. “it's not right Mom.... he cares a lot about her … he's worried sick about her I could tell he cornered me as I was coming up the stairs. He may be a rock start but he's far from stupid.” He ran a hand through his hair “but what the hell do I tell him?” He looked back at his sister's pale face. “I can't tell him nothing … is wrong because we both know there is something wrong …. even if she wants to hide it from him.”

Kali looked at her son then back at Shanna “you can't break your sisters trust Caleb …. if she wants him to know she'd...”

He cut her off. “if she was going to tell him she would have by now mom …. I am not going to tell him everything but just a sort of I don't know what I’m going to tell him but I have to tell him something. “ He leaned down kissing Shanna's cheek as the meds had knocked her to sleep. He headed down the stairs where Richie was sitting by himself “I take it Jon took Jovi on a walk...”

Richie looked up from his coffee “yep .. said he would meet you outside … everything cool man?”

Caleb snorted “yeah real cool yeah …. “ He headed outside grabbing his coat he spotted Jon sitting with a cigarette in his hand and Jovi's lead in the other. He looked really pissed off He really was ticked off at his sister for keeping this a secret from Jon it was not something small it was something she was and had dealt with all her life how the hell did he get put into this damn position. He ran a hand through his hair “Jon can we talk?” He set down on the bench next to the singer.

Jon nodded his posture rigid he was really ticked off. Don't get him wrong he did love Shanna but she was keeping something from him. Something big he could feel it down into his bones. She had been fine last night enjoying herself then this morning he swallowed so looked so small in that bed and she was in pain damn it she was in so much pain and was hiding it from him. “Tell me the truth Caleb I am a grown man …. I know somethings wrong with her ….” He turned to look at him.

Caleb grimaced he would rather face down a bank robber or a man with a gun than do this. He rubbed his face with his hand “I rather do this somewhere private lets take Jovi back to the house then we can talk ….” He looked at Jon.

Jon's gut clenched if he wanted to do this in private it was a lot more serious than he thought. He nodded as they headed back to the house Richie looked up as they came in and took that as his cue to get up. He looked at Jon as if asking if he wanted to stay when Jon shook his head. He grabbed his coat and headed out but not before putting his hand on Jon's shoulder giving it a squeeze.

Caleb grabbed two shot glasses and set them down on the table along with grabbing the whiskey from under the cabinet where he kept it when he was staying at his sisters. He set it down on the table. He went upstairs to make sure that his mom and his sister didn’t' need anything before heading back to sit across from Jon. Jon for all his anger was just staring at the shot glasses. He sat back down across from Jon and poured two shots on the table one he downed himself. “what I am going to tell you can't go any further ….. “ He sighed “if you have to tell Richie then fine but NOT anything further...” He really wished he didn't have to do this . He wished his sister had been truthful to Jon. It wasn't like she was lying she just hadn't told him the whole truth. It was one reason why she never really got with anyone truly that and not really been much of an out going person. Which was why it was such a shock that she had shown such and Jon had shown such interest in her.

Jon downed the shot in front of him and looked at Caleb feeling like a cold fist had closed around his chest. “is she dying?” His voice broke in the middle.

Caleb's head snapped up. “what?”

“is your sister dying is that why she's in so much pain damn it Caleb I could see it on her face is that why when I first started to be attracted to her she was trying to push me away....” Jon's voice was soft.

“NO … good lord no … Jon.... “ Caleb shook his head “she's not …. well … damn how the fuck do I explain this to you ….”

“then what the fuck is going on.... I don't like being Lied to man …..” Jon nearly exploded the only reason he didn't was knowing that Shanna was upstairs sleeping and in pain.

“she's not dying .. but she's not well either …. see its like this Jon ….” He took a deep breath and explained what the hell was happening. God help him his sister was going to kill him when she found out what he did and what he told Jon but he was not going to keep this secret from the singer any longer. He could tell the singer genuinely loved his sister knew they hadn't said in so many words But something just told him that Jon wasn't a fling a pass through. He was there for the long haul. He waited while Jon sat there taking in everything he said. He could tell that the singers hands were shaking a bit. He poured Jon another shot but the singer pushed it away from himself and shook his head. “Jon...”

“why?”

“why what?” Caleb asked this time he was the one that was confused.

“why didn’t' she tell me this herself why keep it …. to herself ...you said it gets bad enough sometimes she's hospitalized … what would have happened when I had called or dropped by … and she wasn't here only to find out she was in the hospital does she think I wouldn't care....” Jon's voice raised a bit.

Caleb sighed “shit Jon not even ANNA knows about this …. the only ones that do is my mom and I ...Kam only knows that sometimes her aunt gets sick ….” He ran a hand through his hair “She didn't want me to tell you but I was not going to leave you in the dark you seem to really care about my sister and ….”

“FUCK Caleb I LOVE HER... “ Jon spat trying to control his mounting anger but it wasn't helping. “I I need to take a walk...” He grabbed his coat and headed out of the house. He shut the door with a slam causing the door to Shanna's room to open and his mom peak her head out.

“Caleb was that Jon?” Her voice worried.

He nodded “yeah Mom.... he's not too happy right now...” He stated softly he wasn't happy himself or with himself but he knew when Shanna found out she was going to kill him.

 “what did you do?” Kali came down the stairs her eyes spearing him where he sat her voice worried.

“I told him everything god help me ma I told him everything and I don't know if he'll come back after it... he's angry but he's hurt mom....” He looked at his mom. “he's angry really angry he had to leave … but I could tell he was hurt just by the way his voice broke.” He downed the shot he had offered Jon. “god help us … mom I don't know who's going to be worse off from this my sister or....” he sighed “Jon.” 

Meanwhile Jon was storming out of the house he needed to get away from the house before he blew up bigger than he already had. He nearly knocked over Richie in his bid to get away from the house. His best friend and Wing man stood outside smoking a cigarette. He took a deep breath his hand running through his hair he had to getaway from the house 'man I need a drink a walk something ...”

Richie stared at him he'd never seen his best friend this worked up before but he nodded and grabbed his keys out of his pocket before heading to the car. They took off. He looked at Jon his face creased with worry. “what is it man talk to me.... what's going on... that must have been some serious shit that talk had been about for you to go off like this ….”

Jon shook his head “I don't want to talk about it right now give me a minute.” They kept driving.